What Every Parent Needs, part 1
Posted by James MacDonald on October 21, 2007 08:49 PM | Comments (3)We never outgrow the command to honor our parents. If you have parents, you are to honor them no matter how old you may be. Regardless of your parents' success rating, regardless of how you may feel about it, God commands all of His people everywhere, "Honor your father and mother."
This is such a big deal that God put it in His top-ten list. If you recall back in Exodus 20, God presented the first four commandments with no reason or rationale for any of them. Basically He said, "I am God, and you're not--do it!' But then in the fifth commandment, things changed--"Honor your father and mother that your days may be long."
Did you see that this top-ten command is the first to come with a condition? God's Word is very clear that if you choose to sin, you choose to suffer, so it shouldn't surprise any of us that a person who pursues obedience at every level is healthier, happier, and lives longer. But if we look a little deeper, God is also promising something about your legacy.
The family that chooses to honor their parents starts a ripple effect that goes on for generations. You may say, "Well, I don't think my parents honored their parents." Drive a stake in the ground right now. Say, "going forward, things are going to be different with my family." If you honor your parents, your kids will notice. Then when you turn the calendar a few more pages to their kids and their kids' kids--the influence of your life can continue for many generations.
What honoring your parent doesn't mean
I know that some people have hurtful relationships with their parents so I want to be clear. Honoring them:
1. Doesn't mean seeking their approval. (Read Galatians 1:10 on this one.)
2. Doesn't mean making yourself vulnerable to their hurtful behavior.
3. Doesn't mean ignoring or denying the past.
What honoring your parent does mean:
1. Choosing to place great value on your relationship with them and dropping the attitude that "it doesn't matter."
2. Taking the initiative to improve the relationship in whatever increments you can.
3. Recognizing that they have done some things right.
4. Acknowledging the sacrifices they have made for you.
5. Seeing them as Christ does, with compassion and mercy.
6. Forgiving them, even as God in Christ has forgiven you.
No negative circumstance can ever break that powerful bond between a father and a son, between a mother and daughter. Perhaps you've had an awful relationship with your parents or just drifted apart. You think, My parents never think about me! You're wrong. They're probably thinking of you right now. You may say, "Well, why don't they call?" Because in some ways your relationship with your parents is a strong mixture of love and frustration that causes people to act in ways that may be very different from how they truly feel.
How about you break the cycle and make the first move? Deep within every parent's heart--whether he or she can articulate it or not--is a longing for the day when one's child comes around the corner and says, "You really did love me. When I was an immature kid who made things hard for you--I was so wrong! I'm sorry for the grief I gave you. You didn't do everything perfectly, but you were a good dad! You were a good mom!"
Those are adult, mature words. They recognize the parent's love and give true honor.
Honoring our parents is something we do from day to day and year to year. It is reflected in every conversation we have and every hour we spend with our parents. Yet, I believe in both a crisis and a process in all matters of transformation. The process of honoring our parents is done in a thousand little things over time, but the crisis is essential to jump-start that process. As a crisis for honoring your parents, I strongly recommend Dennis Rainey's idea of writing a formal tribute.
Give some thought to what you would say to your parent(s) to honor them for what they did right. Next time we'll talk about how to step up and do it. I'll share my tribute to my parents--you plan on taking this step of faith/obedience, too.
I've written more about this in the double booklet, "How to Bless Your Child"/ "How to Honor Your Parents"
Comments
Posted by: Mary | October 23, 2007 11:58 PM
My mom was a single mom - she wsa widowed at the age of 30 with 4 kids to raise. She did the best she could, working and raising us. Even though she didn't know Jesus until much later, she always put us first, sacrificing and providing for our needs. Today I love that I am able to give back to her - she lives with me and my family and she is such a blessing!
God bless you and your family too Pastor James.
Mary - Laredo, Texas
Posted by: dawne | October 24, 2007 10:28 PM
Long story short, been hearing you say this 'honor your parents' in different messages. Heard my father who abandoned family when I was 3 (now 46) was ill, prayed, obeyed, made first move, awkward yes but God honored my obedience, my father told me he loved me. Words I never thought I would hear, healed a broken spot in me. Don't know where it goes from here but I chose to honor my mother and father as an act of obedience, knowing God will bless that choice in ways I cannot imagine. Thanks James
Posted by: Cody - Alaska | December 11, 2007 05:12 PM
I really enjoyed reading this article. I come across a lot of friends who always say that they can't honor their parents, because the things their parents ask of them goes against their Christian Lifestyle. I appreciate James adding the part of what honoring your parent means. It is crucial that people understand it doesn’t mean seeking approval, or becoming vulnerable. You don’t have to follow your parents ways and follow their every move in order to honor them.