What Every Child Needs, part 1
Posted by James MacDonald on October 12, 2007 05:54 PM | Comments (8)Deep within the heart of every person is a longing for parental approval. We search for it our whole lives. If we don't get it from our parents, we look for it elsewhere. Until we receive it, our hearts are restless. When we get it, however, we experience a level of fulfillment and security we can't get any other way.
What exactly is a parental "blessing"? What are we talking about?
The blessing is "a formula of words that expresses fondness for, confidence in, and recognition of a specific person." We all want to feel confident that our mother and father know us, love us, and value us, that they are proud of us and recognize our accomplishments. From the preschooler who calls out from the sandbox, "Dad, look what I made," to the kid who fidgets nervously as Mom reads the report card, to the high school student who appears in the kitchen dressed for the prom and says, "How do I look?," to the grown adult who can't wait for Mom and Dad to see their new house, new car, or new baby--parental blessing is a universal longing.
I've heard some people say, "I don't need my parents' blessing; they didn't give it, and I wouldn't receive it now if they did." Yet I've watched those same people be absolutely transformed at the smallest loving gesture or word of approval from their parent. Almost instantly, they moved from insecurity to confidence. I've heard someone say, "I didn't have my dad's blessing and I'm done expecting it" and that same person got on a plane and rushed across the country to plead for a word of love and commendation at his father's deathbed. It's so true: there's something within our hearts that longs for our parent's blessing. God just made us that way.
You might be saying to yourself, "I didn't get this from my parents and I don't want to think about it anymore." Maybe that's true. But if life in Christ is about anything, it's about breaking the chains of the past. As you become an adult, you have to move beyond the what-did-I-get-from-my-parents mentality and recognize that your parents may have not received the blessing either. I am thankful to God that I am a 4th generation follower of Jesus Christ. I am hugely grateful for a great-grandfather who said, "It starts with me." Perhaps you're the 1st generation Christian who can draw a line in the sand and declare, "The blessing begins here." What an opportunity God has given you! You can break the chains of the past! You can be the first in a line of people who will do the things that God in His Word has commanded be done.
Perhaps you're a single adult or married with no children, and you are saying, "I don't have kids of my own." But how many children are in your life? How many children are sitting at your feet whose parents don't have the wisdom to make sure their children get this blessing? Surely, every adult has some access to kids and could meet this God-given need that every person longs to have fulfilled. Check out Jesus' example, "He said to them, 'Let the children to come to me; do not hinder them…' And Jesus took them in his arms and blessed them" (Mark 10:14, 16).
Praise God for godly parents and friends who see their responsibility in blessing children. Praise God for you who will say, "I didn't get it but in God's strength I'm going to give it."
Next time: How can you communicate the blessing to your loved ones.
I've written more about this in the double booklet, "How to Bless Your Child"/ "How to Honor Your Parents"
Comments
Posted by: K | October 14, 2007 11:56 AM
Thanks for this word. As a teacher who did not receive that blessing as a child; I am grateful for the strength and love of Christ that enables me to 1) forgive, and 2) bless the children in my classroom daily. My past has given me a greater heart for my ministry, and I praise Him!!!
Posted by: Barb | October 14, 2007 01:34 PM
I am grateful for Ed & Jeaninne, my parents, who as first-generation followers of Christ broke their families' dysfunctional chain. There hasn't been a day of my life or my sister & brother's life that we didn't know that we are approved of, loved, and our parents' pride and joy. Praise God for men and women like my mom and dad who courageously step out in ways they never knew. It's the power of God at work in their lives for sure.
Posted by: Frank | October 14, 2007 01:47 PM
As unbelievers, my parents did the best they could but their hurtful ways still continue even though they are unaware of it most times. When I came to Christ , I had to surrender the hurt & bitterness I held against my dad from over 42 years. I didn't realize how much I had held on to the injustice of it (parents are supposed to protect from, not inflict pain) until Jesus freed me from the bitterness. Forgivness isnt natural and its impossible to do without God. I am reminded of that most days when I th
Posted by: sylvia & stuart | October 14, 2007 01:55 PM
I praise God like you others for parents, Yolanda & Peter (my husbands'parents) and mine Stephanie & Carl. Even as struggling Christians my parents understood the impact of telling me every day how much they loved me. My husband's upbringing wasn't smooth but he always knew love and protection from them. We tell our kids every day "we love youall day...(and at night), we love you every minute of the night." If we forget the kids remind us by telling us, "we love YOU all day, mom."
Posted by: Thomas | October 14, 2007 02:06 PM
From how you talk about your family and parents I can tell you got this blessing pastor. I hear you on the "step up and start a new pattern" but how do you fill up that hole thats left by a parent that never gave any of that? My dad died heart atack when I was in college and my mom hasn't really been able to even 8 yrs later. I can to go on but Id be lieing to say its easy. Guess I will say IM DEAD TO THAT and start a new family tradition. Family stuff really sucks So does this word count restriction.
Posted by: Jeff G | October 14, 2007 09:44 PM
To everyone who is the son of God: you are blessed.
God gave a blessing to His Son: "Jesus . . . was baptized by John in the Jordan. When he came up out of the water, . . . a voice came from heaven, "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased." Mark 1:9-10
Jesus gave a blessing to his disciples: "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.†John 15:9
Every child of God is blessed by Jesus: “We are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Posted by: Myron | October 15, 2007 06:50 PM
I grew up without Christian parents. My Dad was a mean drunk and caused much hurt and embarrisment in my growing years. I think this caused me to be in awe of God who I had heard was a perfect Father! The Word told me to honor my earthly father and I did this by relizing he taught me how not to be. I think tough lives are ment to make us strong and we need to find the positive benefits of that type of life also. I thank God for making each day new!
Posted by: alisha | October 16, 2007 09:33 PM
My parents never expressed how they felt about us--not at weddings or graduation or babies. When I lived at home, I loved to compose music on the piano. One day I heard my dad whistling my song while he worked in his car. It was a proud moment for me. Thank you Paster James for making me want to do better for my kids.